


Pyrus Pyrifolia

by Dodo



Category: Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Biting, Crack, Don't copy to another site, Fluff, Fruit, M/M, Magic, Pears, Stalking, threatening auras
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-26 07:38:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18278759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dodo/pseuds/Dodo
Summary: Loki battles the avengers at home, giving an entity in the tower sentience. Tony finds it first and finds that it exudes a murderous aura, Steve just thinks it's adorable.





	Pyrus Pyrifolia

**Author's Note:**

  * For [peppypear](https://archiveofourown.org/users/peppypear/gifts).



> send help pear is too murderously adorable, UwU

Tuesday morning Bruce had gone out to some farmers market. Tony was still confused as to where these farmers were coming from in the heart of new york city. The bags boasted ‘organic’ Tony poked through a few of them complaining that all the fruit would be organic since it came from a tree. He could probably 3d print a fruit if he really wanted to. Though he had to admit the trees really cornered the market on fruit.

“Whats this?”  
He held a yellow not apple up, it looked like an apple. Sort of looked like one.  
“It's an asian pear Tony.”  
Tony looked at it,  
“No it's a yellow apple, pears have a distinctive ‘pear shape’, this is a squat apple.”  
He tossed it in the air a few time till Bruce snatched it away, placing it back in the paper bag Tony had liberated it from. Bruce fixed his glasses and sniffed dismissively at Tony while crinkling the bag closed.

“Clint!”  
Bruce barked as the archer lobbed a red pear at Tony, Steve caught it before it smacked Tony in the head.  
“See this is a pear!”  
Tony exclaimed at the red one though he was miffed that it wasn’t green. He poked at it, and Steve lifted it over his head as he walked it back to Bruce.  
“It's a Starkrimson pear, figured I should get you one.”  
Bruce offered as he placed most of the goods in the communal fridge. The paper bag with that not pear but odd apple was left on the shelf. Tony’s attention turning back to the thought of food specifically coffee and poured himself a cup.

As typically with the life of a superhero that was the moment the avengers’ alarm when off, Tony placed his cup down ready to suit up when a bolt of magic struck the counter top right next to him. The golden curled horns entered his eyesight stage left as Tony threw himself behind the wet bar.

Asgard’s jail seemed to be quite easy to break out of just based on the fact this was the third time they were fighting Loki this month. Something next to Tony exploded, it was a vial of good scotch what a waste. He peaked out just in time to see Steve do a squat, that was very nice to witness but he had to find a way to get his suit on without drawing attention to his flesh body.

It was when Thor came into the fight with a mighty up swing of his hammer knocking Loki into the next floor. Tony winced he’d just fixed the place up last time. He took his opportunity and got suited up, just in time to reduce Clint who’d been defenistrated by Loki. using his repulsors to move loki out on the balcony and hopefully save the tower from any further structural damage.

Loki was once again defeated, leaving Thor to take him back to Asgard, but this time with promises to help pay for the damages wrought on the tower. Which was a nice thought but Tony suspected Thor was going to pay in asgard coin again, and while it was gold it probably won’t cover the damages at all. He’d probably end up donating to several norse museums, as artifacts now that it was somewhat widely known that norse gods were aliens.

Back to the wet bar to survey the damages done to his collection of fine liquors. He moved a few of the broken bottles into the trash as he moved around the bar. Pausing when he felt something watching him, he looked over his shoulder but didn’t see any of his teammates in the room. He looked at the kitchen with the huge magic splash marks all over it. The paper bag on the shelf crinkled, Tony paused had he just seen something move?

He stared at it a bit longer before shaking his head. There was no way the not pear was still there the bag had been in the center of the magical explosion. Bruce would have to go back to the farmer’s market and get himself another one of those squat yellow things. 

Later in the day while Tony sat in the common room working on the tablet he felt like he was being watched again. This time when he looked up and to the right he saw the squat yellow fruit a quarter of the way exposed in front of the threshold. Tony squinted at the fruit thinking perhaps Clint was having him on. He wondered how it had survived the blast, but also how’d it get all the way over there and no one noticed it. He pulled back suddenly as the thing leaned and one eye was gazing at him.

Pears don’t have eyes Tony blinked and the pear was gone from the threshold. He rubbed at his eyes maybe he needed to go to sleep, hallucinating pears was clearly a sign he needed to go to bed. Fruits didn’t have eyes, fruits couldn’t move on their own volition either.  
-  
The next day Tony had seen the pear out of the corner of his eye at least three different times. The first time had been with the pear peering at him from a corner looking very benign if pears of a short stature and yellow color could be. The second time the pear was on top of the entertainment system in front of Clint who hadn’t noticed it. The pear had winked at him and rolled off and out of the room. Clint was too entranced with the video game to notice a fruit rolling around of its own volition. The third time Tony had been getting coffee when the pear had rustled in it's bag, Tony practically leapt away from the bag and ran off with his coffee.

He wasn’t sure what to say to his teammates about this. The fact that clint hadn’t even noticed the fruit rolling around lead him to believe he might be going crazy. He hadn’t been hit by Loki’s magic...the bag with the pear had been though. Was the pear enchanted? Maybe he wasn’t going nuts, the magic must have given the pear a life or something, or whatever this was.

He decided he would try and catch the pear to run some tests on it. JARVIS couldn’t really say much about the pear as it didn’t have a heart rate that tracking didn’t work, it was all visual. Apparently the pear spent a lot of time in it's bag. For whatever reason that was Tony didn’t want to know but decided not to bother it in the paper sack.

After he tried grabbing it out of the sack and it had bitten him. The pear had bitten him several times, he had to go to Bruce for some help. So the fruit had a mouth too, Bruce had been worried about the odd bite marks, and dressed up Tony’s hand so well he couldn’t use it for much. He tried not to look up when he felt eyes on him again, but he caved and looked over to see the pear stem ridgid with angry eyes, then it made exaggerated bites. Tony got the message he wasn’t going to pick up that pear with his hands again.

As he made his way back to the common rooms and kitchen, he heard a drawer slam. Tony paused with his injured hand on his chest as he slowly move towards the island and then around it. There on the floor was the pear, it slowly turned around. It's eyes were stars in the dim light. The stem was stiff and upright, but what caught Tony’s attention was the knife the pear was holding. It was armed, it made a hopping motion towards Tony, he backpedaled into the couch and then over it. 

He looked over the back of the couch checking the kitchen, there was nothing he could see. Though he decided he could stay on the couch for a bit of time. He was safe here the pear couldn’t really climb, safe was good. Tony lay quietly pretending he wasn’t near a murderous pear. 

Tony jolted awake hearing the ominous crinkling of the paper bag. He’d fallen asleep in the common room, pulling his face from the couch cushion he watched the pear take off. Using it's stem like a helicopter blade and flying out of the room. That wasn’t possible! The laws of physics wouldn’t allow a pear or anything to fly like that.  
“JARVIS, what was that?”  
“Magic Sir.”

Tony dropped his face back into the cushion and screamed into it.  
“The pear is heading to Steve’s suite sir.”  
He startled up out of the couch, he had to keep Steve safe from the murdious pear! Tony scrambled down the hall and burst into the Steve’s suite.

“Hey Tony,”  
Steve greeted sitting on his couch, sketch book on the table. There was a bowl of fruit on a table in front of Steve. Tony inspected it looking for that yellow mence, once he was sure it wasn’t in the fruit bowl he turned his attention back to Steve. Who was looking at something in his lap, and smiling.

It was that PEAR! In the lap Tony coveted, Steve was feeding it vitamins. It looked at Tony and then licked Steve’s fingers. The pear was challenging him, he shook his bandaged hand at it. Tony would compete against the pear for Steve’s affections, that was his lap. Steve was laughing while he patted the pear, calling it cute.

“That pear has been stalking me!”  
Tony used his bandaged hand to wave at it.  
“She’s not to happy about your insults earlier, and you did try to remove her from her home.”

Tony froze, Steve was defending the pear. Steve had gendered the pear, Tony looked at it down in Steve’s lap. The eyes did have a few little eyelashes at the top, but Tony really didn’t see it.  
“WHAT?!”  
“Tony, please don’t yell. It scares pear.”  
The pear wiggled down in Steve’s lap as if to hide from Tony. He wanted to do that, to burrow into the warm thick embrace of Steve’s thighs.

“Thor already knows about pear, he’s coming back to taker her to asgard. She’s real smart. Thor said it would be best that any of Loki’s offspring stay on asgard.”  
“It threatened me with a Knife!”  
“She, did?”  
Steve looked at the Pear for a bit. He frowned, Tony realized that they were communicating somehow.

“Pear, we don’t do that here; but I understand.”  
Steve looked at Tony, shaking his head.  
“Maybe you should apologize to her, the squat apple comment hurt.”  
“That was before she got magicked!”  
Steve was giving him a hard gaze as he lifted the pear from his lap, offering her to Tony as he tried to think of a response.

“Fine, I’m sorry I called you a squat apple.”  
Tony folded his arms he wasn’t going to pout, there was a whirring noise and the a smooth cool pressure on his cheek. He saw the flying pear and flinched away. Steve looked pleased, the pear flew over to the fruit bowl and settled down facing Steve.  
“She forgives you Tony, even gave you a kiss.”

Steve picked up his drawing book, and Tony moved to the couch. Watching Steve draw pear like a french girl in a bowl of fruit, he was still envious. Though now he could lean on Steve, and watch the other draw. Steve clearly held pear in high regard for reasons Tony didn’t understand, calling Pear adorable; when she’d been quite murderous towards Tony.

Tony sighed as he leaned against Steve, he was tired. The last few days he’d been on edge due to the pear. Steve wouldn’t let it murder him so he felt all the adrenaline and anxiety over the pear drain out of him. His head drooped onto Steve’s shoulder, Steve humming as Tony drifted to sleep.


End file.
